I'm gonna have a badass scar
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
