I seem to have left my pride at pride
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
