and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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