So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize