Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
