I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
