You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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