it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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