Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
