i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
