morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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