My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
