Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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