I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
