That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
