You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
