Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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