So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
