im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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