You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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