Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i've created a new STD.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
where are my eyebrows?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
His nipple licking is glorious
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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