How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
