so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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