Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he shaved USA in his pubs
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
