No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm getting married
To pizza
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
