I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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