What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
