Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
