Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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