it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
