I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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