I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize