I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize