Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
