Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
