now i know why i became what i already was.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
