Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
