i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
