youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
