I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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