Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think I died a long time ago.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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