dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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