im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
