i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
