The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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