i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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