JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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