last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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