I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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