i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
