THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
