There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize