but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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