Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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