Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
