My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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