Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
