I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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