I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
