so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
