I can tuck mytits in my pants
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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