I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
